Dear You,

 

You are clearly a leader in your space, and you have accomplished some amazing things, but I don’t want you to lose sight of the humbling fact that you are human. Strip away all of the fame, the responsibilities, all of the success, all of the money, and you are an individual with an inner world that is causing you pain and you are needlessly existing in suffering. 

 

I want you to know that regardless of how anxious you feel, how lost, out of control, how hopeless or scared...no matter how you find yourself sabotaging your health or how unlikely your dream life might feel right now,  there is no doubt in my mind that you can be free to turn it all around. 

 

Right now, you may find yourself having some awful experiences: panic attacks, abusing substances, terrible thoughts, extremely uncomfortable feelings, and you may even be unconsciously repeating negative behaviours from your past. I want you to know that it’s not your fault. 

 

Based upon the life experiences you’ve had to this point, you couldn’t really be any other way. And although I know that you might have already spent years in talk therapy, read every single self-help book, and meditated or exercised almost religiously, and you’re still suffering--you are going to be free really soon. Not to be egotistical, but you haven’t met me until now.

 

Your future does not deserve to be held hostage by your past.

 

When you’re done with me, you will no longer have the negative beliefs that cause you the most pain, the worst thoughts, most uncomfortable feelings, or the humiliating/sabotaging behaviour. Your life will change dramatically. You will be free to experience life with excitement, joy, and ease. Sure, you may still have some difficulties in your work or home life - as that’s a part of life - but you will not feel overwhelmed by them, and in fact, you’ll feel completely capable of handling them in a relaxed and peaceful manner. 

 

Maybe the best part: You will be free to fulfill your purpose with calm, clarity, and confidence. 

 

You will be more present in your relationships, more engaged in your work, and more connected to your authentic self that is crying to be released. Together, we will set you free.

 

I want to let you in on the most important secret I’ve discovered to date: We’ve all been told lies about therapy. It may not have been intentional lies with malice, but they are damaging nonetheless.

 

Lie #1: We’ve been told that therapy needs to take years, and in many cases, decades. This is false. You can complete your treatment in just a single weekend! 

 

Lie #2: Your problem will become resolved if you can reach a breakthrough in therapy (also called an insight). FALSE. Having an insight during a session is terrific, but it’s not enough to change behaviour over the long haul, because the problem isn’t intellectual! Symptoms are due to unresolved negative experiences that emotionally wounded you long ago, for which the brain did not properly process because it was preoccupied with keeping you alive (fight/flight/freeze). In order for your symptoms to become alleviated, we must completely process the appropriate past memories and eliminate the negative belief structure that was formed. 

 

Lie #3: Problems will eventually go away on their own. Again, false. Many of us were taught to just sweep our problems under the rug and they’ll go away in time. Unfortunately, since our symptoms are due to negative belief structures formed within our neurological framework, they do not go away if we simply “try harder,” or “toughen up,” or “think positively,” etc. Most of the time, the problems will grow and fester until they explode in unimaginably destructive ways.

 

Lie #4: You just need to talk about it. Most likely false. Talking is great, and we’re social beings, so talking about events is natural, however, talking about your past and your current situation won’t help you, and can even make things worse! You see, when you bring up painful experiences from the past - especially if they’re triggered in the present - and only talk about them, you are only stimulating the left hemisphere of your brain, but the healing needs to occur on both sides of the brain. That’s why EMDR therapy is so effective. It’s NOT talk therapy, and actually, very little talking occurs - most of the time, you will be processing on both sides of the brain. In my opinion, you can talk with a good friend or family member, you shouldn’t have to pay someone to just talk to them.

 

Lie #5: You need to share all the details to move past it. Nope! It’s funny, but in the EMDR world, we sometimes refer to EMDR as “secret therapy.” This is because, I only need to know a little about what we’re working on, I don’t need all the gory details. I like to use the analogy of a book: Imagine that each of the memories (called targets) in your treatment sequence are the chapters in your story. All I need to know is the chapter title, and whether you’re feeling better, worse, or the same; positive, negative, or neutral. That’s it. This is quite liberating for people with extensive traumatic backgrounds or when they’re carrying intense shame. 

 

Lie #6: You must carry your past with you forever. Not really. When people say this, they usually mean that on some level your past will always haunt you. In fact, I think just the opposite. I think that if events from your past continue to cause you to feel anxious then you are still a prisoner to your past. That’s not what effective therapy should be about. You should be in and out, and move on with your life, leaving the pain in the past...or more aptly, have the pain be removed from the past. It’s true that we cannot go back in time and erase your past (even though it can feel like it at times), but we can eliminate the pain from the past. You’ll still remember the past, and it might even still cause an emotional reaction, but you will not be distressed by the reaction (for example, I still feel sad for my 11 year-old self who was bullied all the time and hated himself; but I am not in any way overwhelmed or distressed by my past). The pain from your past can absolutely evaporate.

 

Look, I know you could be in a bad place right now, and usually the worst part is that you feel alone in your struggle. Often times as the leader we tend to wear a mask where on the outside, the world sees what we want them to see, and underneath is what we’re really feeling. How amazing would it be if you could throw the mask away, and just be YOU?! How incredibly freeing would it be to believe - and I truly mean that at the absolute core of your being - that you’re good enough, that you’re smart enough, that you’re absolutely worthy of love, that you’re valuable regardless of what others believe? How much of your life has been held hostage by your fear of what others think of you? Imagine if it didn’t matter anymore. Imagine that what they saw was the beautiful, creative, empowered, YOU. The real authentic you deserves to shine. This is your chance to shine. Right now.

 

I want to share with you something I realized with the birth of my son: time is the most precious resource we have. We can always make more money, but time is limited. We do not know how much time we have left on this Earth, and none of us knows for sure what happens after we die. The only thing we do know is that we have right now. I urge you not to spend another minute existing in the struggle that isn’t yours to keep. I urge you to give yourself the permission to be happy--to be free. Why deprive yourself of the opportunity to truly enjoy the company of your authentic self? Please don’t deprive the world of the uniqueness that is you. 

 

Finally, I will return to something I said earlier: You are a leader. I believe that you have a responsibility to lead fairly, empathetically, clearly, and definitely. What holds you back right now is what you cannot change on your own. Your team, your following, your legacy, deserve to get your best--and that is not something I take lightly. 

 

What is the legacy you want to leave behind? How do you want to change your world? How can you do that with integrity if you’re fighting a battle with yourself -- and you’ve got one hand tied behind your back? You need to free yourself. 

 

I want to return to that term, “legacy.” This is an important one for me, and I hope it is for you too. We’re all part of something bigger. Where we came from, what we create, and what we leave behind. Nobody’s problems began with them. I promise you that your symptoms were made possible by the generations before you. Intergenerational trauma is a real thing. Your parents taught you certain lessons based upon their past, and their parents with them, and on, and on, and on. And if you aren’t serious about putting a stop to the negativity that began before you even, then on some level the patterns continue. 

 

You have the incredible opportunity to not just change your life, but the life of your entire family - everyone that’s willing can go through the exact same transformation that you are going to as well. What an amazing gift it would be to control the fate of your family’s legacy. Wouldn’t that be a story worth telling for centuries to come? 

 

I will leave you with this last notion: You ARE incredible. You ARE special. You ARE enough. AND you CAN live the life you desire. AND you CAN be free. All that holds you back right now is the choice to heal your emotional wounds. That choice is yours, and I won’t think any less of you if you choose to stay in the pain. But I DO believe you have the courage to take a leap and step into the path that has been presented in front of you right now. When you’re ready, I’m ready. I’m willing to be right there with you, every step of the way. You won’t be alone in this. 

 

I bow down to the soul in you.

 

With Care & Respect,

 

Robert A. Grigore, MCP, RCC#12316

Certified EMDR Therapist & Approved Consultant

Owner & CEO 

Grigore Counselling

"The root of our (my partner and I) problem was processing, awareness and communication of our emotions. The symptoms of our problems were miscommunication, misunderstanding each other and jumping into conclusions. This kept piling up and resulted into trust and intimacy issues.

The problems have been ongoing for almost two years prior to seeing Robert.

My partner and I had been impacted by lack of trust nd intimacy issues. I had started feeling hopeless in our relationship. I was carrying a huge weight that did not allow me to live a healthy mental, emotional and physical life.

Mental- I noticed making more mistakes during work. Needing significantly more time alone to relax. Emotional- I started yelling in an attempt to be heard. I felt hopeless. Physical- I had 20% of my usual energy to eat healthy and exercise. I had trouble getting quality sleep. I had nightmares.

Robert made me feel welcomed, understood and supported. Robert worked on both our relationship and our individual selves. He was very knowledgeable.

My partner and I are significantly more aware of our emotions. We are more equipped to process them and communicate them to one another. We are able to use these emotions to grow a stronger bond between one another. Before meeting Robert, our emotions were building a barrier between us; pushing us apart. Now, our emotions are a means of connecting and strengthening our bond.

On the individual spectrum, after EMDR, I feel more emotionally intelligent. I can process my emotions significantly better. I am more aware of my emotions. I can communicate them better. Moreover, I can continue improving myself on my own. Robert taught us how to fish as opposed to giving us a dinner.

I would recommend Robert for individuals and/ or couples. I would recommend Robert for anyone who suffered a strong trauma. EMDR is a great method for processing your own emotions.

Robert is a professional, knowledgeable and supportive person. EMDR is an excellent tool to process your emotions. It worked very well with me." 

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~ M, Executive

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